A motorist caught hitting 152mph in his BMW M5 has been banned from driving.
Brendan Matthews, a professional yacht skipper, was caught doing 152mph in a 70mph limit with his dad in the passenger seat.
Matthews admitted to breaking the speed limit, but insisted that it was only for a 'short burst' -- ah, that old chestnut. His lawyer also explained how Matthews, as a captain of luxury yachts, was used to acting responsibly with expensive machinery.
As excuses go, it's a pretty poor one, although not quite as bad as Stoke F.C boss Tony Pulis's absolute cracker from March this year.
So, to celebrate Mr Matthew's gross stupidity, we've compiled a list of the ten worst excuses for speeding ever given.
10. "A following wind pushed the car over the limit."
In a hurricane? Maybe. On a breezy day in West Sussex? No.
9. "I've got diarrhoea and need to get to the lavatory quickly."
Too... much... information.
8. "I sneezed and accidentally stamped on the throttle."
In which case you're a moron clearly incapable of being in charge of a lawn strimmer, let alone a car.
7. " I wanted to overtake a lorry that was spitting up stones off the road."
"Do you see three pedals in front of you? Yes? Well touch the middle one gently. Problem solved."
6. "A solar storm must have affected the radar gun."
If you're Prof. Brian Cox, this one might just about wash.
5. "I was late for a date with a really cute girl."
Fair enough -- a perfectly reasonable explanation.
4. "I'm running out of petrol."
Yes, because cars use less fuel the faster they go.
3. "I've only got a provisional licence and I didn't want to get caught."
You've got to admire this guy's honesty, as well as his astonishing stupidity.
2. "My colon has fallen in my vaginal canal."
Er, we're not medical experts but we're pretty sure that's impossible. It might work if you're a bloke -- any right-thinking police officer will assume that you're insane and run away.
1. "There's a suspected foot-and-mouth outbreak. I'm going to inspect a poorly cow."
"Sorry Mr Herriot, I'll let you get on your way."
***
So, that's the top ten; however, we have to give an honourable mention to this absolute classic:
"There's a sale on at Dunkin' Donuts and I wanted to get there before you, you fat b*stard"
If you've heard any funny ones, please don't hesitate to leave them below.
