As you're no doubt aware, today is April Fools' Day, the day of the year on which the world's news websites become infected with unfunny and obviously made-up news stories.
So far today, the Mirror has run a story about farmers producing lambs with six legs to boost profits, the Metro has 'revealed' that the government is considering plans to ban selfies, and the Telegraph has run a headline claiming that Alex Salmond's face will adorn the new Scottish pound coin. Ho, ho, and indeed, ho.
Of course, car companies are not immune from contracting April Fools' Day fever, as evidenced by the proliferation of jokey news stories which landed in our inboxes this morning. Nevertheless, some of them aren't irredeemably awful, so we thought we'd provide a run-down of the day's automotive-themed April Fools.
BMW Artificial G-Force Technology
BMW is apparently "set to change the face of motoring" with its new artificial G-force technology.
The system "simulates the effects of spirited driving, even when commuting at slower speeds, to create a thrilling ride." When activated at speeds below 20mph, a "Force Injection Booster," allegedly extracts energy from the car's engine and converts it into positive g-forces.
The so-called g-forces are then "channelled directly at the driver and passengers through the air conditioning vents, while a mild electric current is delivered through the front seats, to simulate the same exhilarating feeling of driving at high speed."
Oh, you crazy Germans!
Citroen Cactus Arsenal Edition
The Citroen Cactus Arsenal Edition is kitted out in red, blue and gold in tribute to Arsenal, featuring the club's iconic crest on its C-pillars.
Just 11 examples (see, 11? Get it?) of the Cactus Arsenal Edition will (not) be produced, each coming with Citroen's new Geo Organised Away-day Location, Information & Entertainment interface, or G.O.A.L.I.E.
Apparently, the system is "preloaded with all of Arsenal's away fixtures, including directions to the matches, a database of pie and mash vendors and a music playlist of rousing football anthems to sing along to."
Honda tests 'speed gene'
The Pata Honda superbike team, in perhaps one of the more bizarre stories, has announced a new " nepotistic youth policy" whereby regular riders, Leon Haslam and Jonathan Rea, will hand over their Honda CBR1000RR SP superbikes to their sons.
Apparently, despite being less than a year old, Max Haslam and Jake Rea "are deemed to have inherited sufficient quantities of the so-called 'speed gene' to warrant a full test on the sophisticated production race bikes."
MINI Cooper T
Cooper T? Get it? Oh yes, MINI has unveiled the first ever vehicle in the history of the car to be powered by what it calls a "tea-leaf biofuel composite".
The car is available in a variety of colours, including 'Chamomile Yellow', 'Red Bush' and 'Earl Grey; and benefits from DAT or Dunk Avoidance Technology, which prevents owners and passersby from inserting biscuits into the car's fuel tank.
Peugeot personalised car horns
In one of the more worrying stories, (worrying because it's probably not that far from the actual truth) Peugeot has announced plans to introduce personalised car horns, allowing drivers to "reflect their taste and character" in the audible warning sound emitted by their cars.
Not only will drivers be able to choose from an extensive library of sounds, which will be constantly updated "in line with current trends in music, culture and lifestyle," but they'll also be able to create and upload their own noises.
Dear god, the horror.
Red Bull tweet technology
Red Bull has announced a new addition the steering wheel of its Formula One racers. A new system will allow its drivers to tweet live during a race, which, given that Sebastian Vettel does not have Twitter, is perhaps not the most fitting of PR stunts for the company to pull.
Skoda Yeti Ice Edition
First they built a car out of cake, now Skoda has built one out of fur. The new Yeti Ice features a "radical" new fur finish which has been specially developed by Skoda engineers working in the Himalayas.
Apparently, the finish has a number of advantages, according to its inventor, Dr Yu Ciddingme: "The fur is so thick and luxurious that during our tests in the arctic circle, our test drivers didn't need to use the heater."
All models will be built to order, with owners able to choose from a number of personalisation options, including side-partings and fur extensions.
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Vauxhall Astra Copacabana
The Astra Copacabana is "the epitome of pure South American emotion," or at least it would be, if it existed. Under the bonnet, there's a 1.6-litre engine with 197bhp, giving a 0-62mph time of 2.6 seconds; and inside, Vauxhall's interior designers have upholstered the seats in genuine turf from Rio's Maracanã Stadium.
Each special edition also comes with a pair of flip-flops in the glove compartment and a choice of Samba or Vuvuzela horn tones.
Volkswagen teaches dogs to drive
Volkswagen Commercial Vehicles has allegedly teamed up with the RSPCA to teach rescue dogs to drive. Three dogs -- Tulip, Jacob and Harry -- have been taught to drive a Volkswagen Amarok, having learned to operate the brakes, the gears and the steering wheel at the Southridge RSPCA centre in Hertfordshire.
Unfortunately for Volkswagen, the New Zealand Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals got there first. And for real.
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